Free printable calendar

 Last year I purchased an 8 1/2"x 11" printable calendar from Etsy, and I used it all over the house...one in the basement, one on my fridge, in my homeschool notebook. I was just about to search for my 2011 printable calendar when I ran across this fabulous little blog. In addition to the free calendar, she has some fun projects and lots of great ideas. Enjoy!

Merry and Bright

Waking up on Christmas morn to this (thanks to WH for setting it up- thanks to Grandmama and Pop for finding it used!)

Sweet A and Baby Darling with her handmade felt ornament (B is for Baby Darling)

Christmas morning (which was Tuesday for us)

Warren's new Collinear Hoe...most wanted gift of the season

This doesn't begin to capture the madness of Christmas morning with 17 grandchildren 12 and under! (and 4 were not in town!)

I found myself with a lovely new cast iron dutch oven in cherry red, and two more cardigans (let's keep the tradition alive!) which I love. Christmas was spent at my inlaws with a sweet time together with three of Warren's siblings and their spouses and kids. The week flew by leaving us with many happy memories. We're heading for home in the lightly falling snow, back to life on the farm (and the chickens).

Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits-

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

A good read

If you need some encouragement to stress less about what you are serving for dinner and focus more on being joyful, find it here. The list of questions at the end was especially refreshing.

Embellish Knit Month at Grosgrain

I think I'll start a series on "projects most people are not bothering to do during the Christmas season." I'm sure it would be a big hit! Every time I think of posting something, it feels like it's not of general interest. But then again, I'm not the only one enjoying the Grosgrain series (which, in her defense, started in November) so there must be people out there who are working on non-Christmas-y projects right now.

Along those lines, here is a fabulous link to a series of tutorials on how to turn any blah sweater into something beautiful. I tried my hand at it last night, and while it didn't turn out perfect, I am inspired to keep trying (especially since it's only a $3 Goodwill sweater at stake).

If you subscribe to her blog you can go through the list of sweater re-dos in your reader...there are so many great ones! (ETA: Subscribing to her blog will provide a wealth of ideas, but I just noticed that if you click on the picture above it will take you to a page featuring all her sweaters.)

This kind of project is PERFECT for someone like me, because I am drawn to the most boring of clothes. So I already own all the duds she is using as examples! I'm looking forward to adding a little pizazz to my wardrobe. I'm not sure if I've ever typed out the word pizazz before.

Funny thing is, in my own boring and simplistic way, I had a post on resizing clothes all typed out, and then never got around to putting it together with pictures. Look for it soon (and if it's not relevant you can read it in January).

Not much explanation needed

This boy does not like to have his picture taken!

Drinking their Christmas milk (i.e. eggnog)

By the time the tree was purchased and brought home and trimmed, we were all a little tired (and I just watched from the couch).

I promised the kids a little tree of their own. You can't really tell from the picture, but they decorated it the same way they trimmed the family tree: with the ornaments all at the bottom.

And now SNOW! What a great way to begin the Christmas season. I'll be happier when my husband is home from his trip, off the interstate, and in the warm house with the rest of us!

It's not too late

Well, not for you. It was for me. Let me explain.

Last week my friend, Lea (pronounced, Lee of "when two vowels go a walkin', the first one does the talking" fame) offered to bless our family with a Christmas photo shoot and card design while we were visiting my family in Florida. The problem was, for the first time in history I already had our pictures printed and ready to go...BEFORE Christmas Eve! I know...victory points for me. I don't expect it to ever happen again. However, I did ask if she would still do a photo shoot of just the kids so I could send nicer photos to grandparents. She decided the picture was begging for a Christmas card design and created this:

Here's the fabulous thing about her designs: you can send her your family photo (if you aren't local to Tallahassee) and she will design you a card and you can just send it to your favorite photo website and get it in a 4x6 print for about 10 cents a piece! Very economical, and Lea is probably THE most creative person I know. She started the project to raise money for her own Christmas card (view previous years here...this is no "card," it's more like a Christmas keepsake) but I think she's covered that so this promo is more for your benefit than hers...who wouldn't LOVE to have a fun, personalized card? For more inspiration, here are a few of her other designs. 

We are having a lazy day here, fighting off colds and sitting around with hot tea. I'm off to address some more cards- happy Christmas card writing!

happy thanksigiving, back!

Hello, all! So much to be thankful for this year, and here are three of the cutest reasons:

Of course the list includes my husband and hundreds of other gifts, too. I think this is a good time to begin my own journal of one thousand gifts. 

Blessings to you!

The race marked out for us

I hardly recognize the old blog- I've been away so long! In a limited way I have been keeping up with my favorite blogs, but the season of weirdness continues over here at our house.

Every time I thought, "Oh, I should post something on my blog" I would type it out in my head and it just sounded depressing, or annoying, or any number of negative words. So then I thought, "I'll just wait until I'm better and then post a happy update!" but since that's probably not going to happen soon, it might have been 2011 before I resurfaced. So, then I decided to wait to post until I could make light of all of this "redefining normal" stuff, and here I am today.

The fact that I can write about all this with hope (or write a complete sentence at all) probably means I'm doing better, so that's good news! Here's the low-down (or down-low...oh, wait, that's only if you have to keep it a secret, or maybe run-down...maybe I can't write a complete sentence after all): After a summer of several miscarriages and a busy year (= stress, although it didn't feel horribly stressful at the time) with buying and renovating a house and moving, having people live with us at different times, I found myself completely exhausted. At first it seemed sort of normal, and so we just sort of laid low and waited and tried to scale our activity level back. But four months and a lot of research later (not to mention drs. visits and tests) it's clear I'm dealing with adrenal deficiency, which has led to thyroid problems (which were probably already there but have now been exacerbated) and very low cortisol levels.

Blah blah blah...let me simplify:  All these things make me feel like I have the flu all the time, and if I could just get the 200 lb weight off my head maybe everything wouldn't hurt so much. Now here's the more complicated version: Cortisol affects almost every main body function, so without enough of it, the body starts shutting down. The stresses (using that term  broadly, not just emotional stress) of life are easily handled by a healthy person; a move, having a baby, change of job, etc. are all big deals and require a little more recovery time but they aren't going to knock you off your feet because your body compensates. When cortisol levels are already low, and you encounter a stressful situation, it's a different story, because your body can't make enough to keep up. I'm WAY oversimplifying here so as not to lose any more of you with the boring details. When adrenal function is minimal, the body doesn't produce enough enzymes to break down your food, so it basically rots inside of you. You don't get the nutrients, and you feel horrible, thus the appearance of food "allergies." My diet is pretty minimalistic these days, because there's so little food I can tolerate. I thought we were a whole foods family, but now that any preservative, additives, or unnatural ingredient seems to bother me (even most spices) I know what it really means to eat a whole foods diet. Here is a great article from a homeschooling mother who has researched adrenal deficiencies, fatigue, and related hormone/thyroid problems.

So, in every day life, it means that we are learning to adjust. This is not a week-long or even month-long recovery process. I am taking some meds and supplements, and seeing a doctor who is willing to approach this in a holistic way vs. saying, "You are complicated: here, have an anti-depressant. You won't BE well, but you won't complain about your problems anymore so we will all feel better." Yes, I'm a little cynical, but it's frustrating to watch yourself go downhill so fast, only to be asked if you are depressed. For the record, I'm not. I'm really very happy, I'm just exhausted, and it takes a lot more effort to be happy when you are sleep-deprived and you can hardly eat anything, and just going to Wal-mart (okay, bad example...Wal-mart is always energy-sucking...) book club means you have to spend a day recovering from the stimulation and the being out at night (even if it was only until 9:30pm). WH has been so gracious to let me sleep in until 7:30am every day, which is even more generous with the time change because the kids seem to have no comprehension of Daylight Savings. If only we lived in Arizona. He unloads the dishwasher, get the kids dressed, makes breakfast, and leaves me ready to face the day with as little work as possible. I know, he's wonderful. Sometimes sitting up is too exhausting, and so I end up laying down throughout the day. I've tried to exercise several times in the last few months and it always left me wiped out for days. I'm trying to be faithful with a yoga dvd that is mostly just stretching, and the Winsor pilates video on good days. You'd think exhaustion would lead to sleeping all the time, but the truth is, some people respond to adrenal problems with insomnia. I am sleeping 7-8 hours a few times a week; the rest of the nights are restless. I'm hopeful that will be resolved soon with a new med.

It's just so weird, because we've always felt like less is more as far as medicine goes, and even though I'm taking the natural versions of everything out there (Floradix vs. iron Rx, Armour thyroid vs. Synthroid) it is still going to take a host of medicines, supplements, and vitamins to get me back on my feet. Denying that won't help me get better any faster (I'm finally admitting it).

Having more long-term health issues has required a lot of patience, not only on my part, but possibly more so for my family and church. It's hard for me to out of the loop and unable to serve others, but it's also hard to be the one who's not sick. Lately I've been meditating on Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay off everything that hinders, and the sin which so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

So much packed into those verses, but I have to keep reminding myself that this race, with what seems like so many detours and valleys, is exactly what God has marked out for me. This is my race. Everyone is dealing with their own race, God is writing each of our stories, and we just need to persevere and work and pray daily to throw off the sin which entangles us and keeps us from looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. One day we will be finished with the race, and no more perseverance will be needed. And we will rest. And it will be refreshing, and perfect.

It seems this blog has changed faces in the course of the year. It used to be a place of projects and ideas, recipes and kitchen adventures. I'm still doing projects, still experimenting in the kitchen (although the recipes tend to be gluten-free, so not appealing to the masses), and even sewing when I have a surge of energy. But mostly I'm just maintaining and trying to heal. Thanks for your patience if I owe you a call, or an email, or a letter, or a borrowed book. I am committed to being well, and look forward to being back soon. And if I can get the batteries out of Little T's birthday present and back into the camera, I might even post some pictures. :)

AWOL

Hello blog friends. Yes, I'm (mostly) alive. 

We are enjoying the fall colors but some unusually warm weather. It seems like Christmas is just around the corner but it's 70 degrees outside.

There- I've talked about the weather...hmmm, what else?

Oh, where have I been. You didn't notice I was gone? That's okay, Mom. I know you are busy.

Things have been up and down here. I thought my health issues would clear up with a few visits to a new doctor, but low and behold they have not. I had a small break-through two weeks ago when I decided to cut out all gluten from my diet (after being told by the doctor that everything looked normal...to which I wanted to say, "Everything but ME!" Gotta love test results...) and found myself relieved of about 75% of my symptoms. But gluten is in EVERYTHING, and trying to weed it out is detective work. Work that is hard to do when your symptoms include a very foggy brain, forgetfulness (what did I just put in those muffins??) and an energy level measuring in at negative ten. So, I'm not really sure if it's the gluten, or preservatives of some kind, or some other environmental allergen. I think I've stayed away from gluten for the last two weeks, but I've had several things that said "May contain trace amounts of wheat." I'd like to think I'm not really that sensitive, but who knows. When I think back to what I was eating when I first cut out gluten it was mostly plain old meat and veggies and fruit, with a lot of brown rice thrown in for good measure.So we're going back to that plan for now. And I will say that this experiment has helped me to diversify my grains...my bulk food shelf, which consists of glass jars, has doubled in the last week!

When I do have a good day or a burst of energy, I find myself not wanting to sit at the computer, but usually buzzing around the house playing catch-up. Life does go on, and we've continued to have abbreviated school days (mostly just phonics and reading, and not for hours on end because that can be exhausting, too...) and a lot of playing around the house. It's been good for me to be around the kids so much: I get to see how they interact more than if I was busy in the kitchen or doing my own projects. We've been able to tackle discipline issues that are subtle but fierce. And my soon-to-be 2 year old has turned into a book worm! We are memorizing the poem, Block City, by Robert Louis Stevenson, and he even has the last word of most of the lines memorized (he's a genius, I say).I just spelled genius wrong (a typo, for sure) so I guess that means he doesn't get it from me.

This has been an unexpected quiet season...we flew like madmen from April until August and then hit a brick wall. I'm ready to be back on my feet, accomplishing more than just laundry and dishes, but for now I'm working on being content with my limited sphere. I do have an appointment next week with a doctor several hours away who specializes in the endocrine system and natural hormones, so that may provide us with some answers.

So, I'll leave you with a picture (because it's the only one we've taken in the last few weeks) from our family photo shoot last week...

Don't worry, our yearly picture will include everyone's heads.

And the next time I get around to it (haha, Grandpa Glenn...I still have the one you gave me) I will share with you a tip from a friend on managing children's "treasures" and memorable stuff that multiplies and makes room organization a bear.

The week in pictures

Coloring= his new favorite pastime

the family ham

Getting ready for winter and entertainment, all in one

Our fall garden is full of green beans! Don't you remember being a kid and pretending you had braces?

Have a great weekend!

$10 gift certificate to Everything Kitchens

Hello ladies and gents, and fellow kitchen gadget aficionados.

I recently found myself leaping from the couch to figure out what was burning, only to find my blender lid melted on the element in my dishwasher. That was the final (plastic) straw and I went on a rampage to declutter my limited drawer space of sippy cups and unwanted plastic containers. We have nice plastic-free water bottles and no-spill cups, and plenty of glass storage, but when both are available the kids and the leftovers seem to be drawn to the toxins. My drawers were finally empty enough to close without jamming everything in, but I was still down one blender lid.

I shopped around, and found Everything Kitchens. They have free shipping on almost everything. Even though their prices were about 5-8% higher, my usual online kitchen store charged me $7.95 for a $9 part. Not cool.

Click on the banner for Wusthof Cutlery, Kitchen Aid Mixers & more!

 
And if you have a blog, and mention their store, they will send you a coupon code for $10 off, hence the advertising on this usually-free-of-advertising blog. So, in the end my lid will be $0.95. Very cool.

ETA: They do not have free shipping on everything (my item, for example) and although they do claim to price match, they won't combine any offers. They were friendly, but really I could have just placed two orders for the items I wanted and received both discounts, so why did have to be so complicated? In the end, I ordered the other item from Amazon. 

12 bucks! And an advent idea

Medium Bag= $12 through October 7th

Check out this idea for blessing a friend with an Advent Basket. I'm still pondering over who should be on the receiving end, but this (not so) little tote would be the perfect place to put all the Advent treasures. 

the eternal optimist strikes again

Is the hope that comes with being optimistic worth the great falls when "the plan" doesn't go the way you thought? I'm not sure if it is (I'm beginning to think the pessimist totally got it right- he is always pleasantly surprised). My husband says he's a "realist" which sounds less negative. According to a friend, there are half-full people, half-empty, and also "so-what-if-it-isn't full" kind of guys. Seems like the last category would be the safest place to live.

I had one good day two weeks ago, and I decided I was up for painting my fireplace. If I had known I'd go downhill again so soon I might have...I don't know...made and frozen a meal for my family. Something more practical than changing up the house a bit.

Lots of uninteresting details, but I'm struggling with some health problems that will hopefully get worked out soon (at which time I'll tell you about whatever natural miracle cure was helpful). Most of it has been exacerbated by weeks of very little sleep, which is why I haven't been blogging.

Here are some rough before and after pictures. Thanks to my friend, Amy, who was staying with us when I got the crazy whim to paint. Do you know how hard it is to paint something in the middle of your house (a room with no doors) when your children are around? As soon as it was mostly dry, Thomas decided to climb right in and try out some soot foot prints around the hearth.

And the good news (?) is that the old wood stove isn't up to code, so it's just a Plain Old White Fireplace. I've just been informed that the stove not working is actually bad news we're trying to make good (see, Optimist vs. Realist). So the new goal is get a different stove in the basement, but that's still in the works.

Painting the door will have to wait until things stabilize around here. (But I'm sure it won't be long.)

Saying Goodbye

To this old friend...

In favor of a lighter version.

And goodbye to this:


In favor of a non-wood color, but that's a surprise.

And hopefully, goodbye to having to take a nap every day. These last few weeks have been rough and it's taken a lot longer for me to recover than I expected. But I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel...and so the projects begin again. (Although I still might take the occasional nap.)

My Father's Dragon projects and activities

 

We are focusing a lot on literature during this first year of school. In the last few weeks we've read The Chronicles of Narnia, Mr. Popper's Penguins, A Bear Called Paddington, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, and My Father's Dragon. Besides being the shortest on the list, this last book was by far the most captivating for the five-year old boy set. I found this link for a free lap book full of ideas to go along with this book.

My Mom passed along the great idea of photo-copying the cover of each book and having the children narrate the story on the back. The kids have these covers in their school notebook so they can look back and remember all the books we read this year. It's also pretty funny to hear what they comprehend. Coop's narratives are thorough and provide a nice overview. Sweet A's reveal she was coloring and crafting way more than listening, which is okay when you are only three years old. For Mr. Popper's Penguins I think her narrative went like this (Spoiler ALERT!): "First there were no penguins. Then they came. Then they sailed away on a ship."

As you were growing up, what was your favorite book? I have a love/hate relationship with Carry On, Mr. Bowditch.

Free Audio Book of the Day

No, this will not become a series. Although, who knows?! If you guys keep sending me great links perhaps it will. I seem to get my coolest info from my internet peeps.

Today's deal:
Stepping Heavenward, by Elizabeth Prentiss


"How dreadfully old I am getting! Sixteen!" Thus begins the lifelong diary of young Katherine as she pours out her hopes, dreams, and spiritual journey on the pages of her dear, old journal. Whimsical and charming Katherine is engagingly candid about her character flaws and her desire to know God. As you listen to her share her heart through these journal entries, you will be amazed and delighted by the depth of her character and the womanly wisdom and godliness she develops over the years. From the agonies of being a teenager to the delicate balancing act between being a wife/mother/daughter/neighbor, it is easy to relate to Katherine's triumphs and trials whether you are 16 or 60. Listen to her unforgettable story set in the early 1800's as you are encouraged to "step heavenward," and don't be surprised if you find yourself recommending it to all of your friends and family!

This is the unabridged version of this wonderful classic book, with a great new reading by Theresa Downey, just  published at Librivox.org, and far superior to earlier versions. If you've never read or heard this story before, do yourself and your young ladies a favor and download it today!

Somewhat trivial question of the day

We ripped up all the carpet in this house when we moved, and found beautiful (if you like 60's goldish red hardwood...it really is lovely and in top notch condition) hardwood underneath. We also have chickens in the backyard, a little acreage, and live on a busy road that stirs up dust. I make my kids keep their shoes off inside the house, which they mostly remember to do. So with that background info, here's my question for all you hardwood floor keepers:

How do you keep them clean??? I sweep once, usually twice a day. This is manageable because the main floor is relatively small. Our old vacuum -which used to perfectly suit our carpet needs- doesn't cut it on these floors. I keep thinking if only I had the right tool, they would stay cleaner. I use a dust mop and water with a tiny bit of all purpose cleaner about once a week.

Of course, every time (daily) I sweep up a big pile of grass and dirt I think about how that could be buried in my carpet. So I am thankful for the small things (not being in my carpet).

Ideas?

A little grace

Thank you for your kind words last week. I felt so loved and supported from friends near and far, and even from a few I don't know well who took the time to send me a note. My inbox spilled over with emails from hurting women; I had no idea these fertility struggles were the cause of such quiet, hidden sorrow in the lives of so many. 

One of the main lessons I learned in the last week is this: we need to give our sisters a little more grace. None of us knows why "she" didn't seem as friendly to us the other day, or why someone else turned down our lunch invitation for no apparent reason, or why someone else seems a little distant. There are a lot of hurting people who need to be loved. Some of us are talkers (yours truly) and when we need help we usually pick up the phone. Many others need to be drawn out, and asked how they are doing and how we can pray for them...and what we can practically do to show our love.

I'm not trying to turn this into something preachy, except maybe a sermon to myself. I am thankful for the lessons the Lord is teaching me. (And re-teaching, and re-teaching...will I ever learn???)

On a lighter note, I spent Labor Day trying to restore order to the house after a week of neglect. We did have some friends and college students over for a cookout, and Sweet A and I made chocolate mint ice cream. Shredding the remainder of my Mint Green & Black chocolate bar really did make it an over-the-top treat (not that I would ever say that about my own cooking, but all my friends say...).

 

I also spent a little time rearranging bookshelves in an effort to hold off buying yet another piece of furniture. I really wanted the kids to have access to all their art supplies (minus the paint) so when we read aloud they can craft away. The problem is that all my children are very (normally) short, so I had to create accessible space under 3.5 feet. Here's what we ended up with...

It was one of those small, unimpressive rearrangements that will change our lives. Both bookcases were purchased used, within the last few months. The one on the left was $5 at a garage sale. The one on the right was from Craigslist, has a hole in it, and I could have bought a new one at Wal-mart for about the same price. You win some, you lose some.

Oh, and in other big news, Coop was seen taking his own training wheels off yesterday and decided it was time he rode his bike without them. He's a pro! And very proud of himself. For the rest of the day he kept inviting us to come watch him one more time. Fun times.

 

A time to be silent and a time to speak

FYI...this is going to be very long.

I know some people who avoid reading blogs because what they read is either 1) filled with every day minutia and commentary (and complaining) about that minutia, or 2) highlighting only a portion of a person's life- what they would like to present, which more often than not is neat and clean, colorful and fun, and full of happiness and creativity (and apparently endless amounts of time). The first example can actually be interesting if you are related to the person (hi, dad!) and I'm not saying there isn't a place for it (minus the grumbling). I have over 50 blogs in my reader, and countless examples of friends who are using this blog medium to edify, educate, and entertain. (I should write sermons, with my three points all starting with the same letter.) Some people are able to infuse everyday, relate-able experiences with beauty and joy and help others to see the same in their own lives. Some help us find humor in the hum drum. Some are online confessions (just kidding, Lea...I loved that post)!

As someone who has chosen to blog, it is hard to know what to share, and what to avoid. On the one hand (and this applies even if you do mostly have close friends and family as readers), do people really care about the ins and outs of everyday life, and if they do, do they want to read about it online or hear about it from you personally? On the other hand, if you only share the bright and beautiful (no pun intended), it isn't a true picture of this life of faith, and I think it can be discouraging to those who might be tempted to compare their lives with what they imagine on the screen. I've probably landed on the "share less" side of things, just to avoid falling into the blathering complainer category, but my goal is to speak things that will edify. Sometimes, my attitude just isn't good enough to write anything edifying about the frustrating day I had, and so nothing gets said about it. You get the point...it's a tough balance.

So, with all that philosophizing in mind, I sit here wondering how to share about the last few months of my life. The house is coming together, we've started kindergarten (so much fun!), and we given potty training a whirl (not so much fun!)...and we'll give it another go in a few months and maybe it will take then. (So now you know the rest of the story...)

But I would be lying if I said it had been an easy summer. Full of joy: yes! Every minute: no. "Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present,  but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11.

After having three kids in just over three years we were feeling like we could hardly sit next to each other without getting pregnant. We didn't have Coop until I was 27, which seemed late to me at the time (especially when I had friends who were already on babies 4 or 5 by my age!), and so we never took our fertility for granted. But we also thought we'd spend our entire young married life having babies: on our 5th anniversary I realized I'd been pregnant or nursing for all but four months of our marriage!

In May of this year, I knew I was pregnant (I start getting sick before a missed cycle). Coffee made me throw up, I was gagging when I brushed my teeth, the heartburn started, I was bloated and couldn't fit into any of my clothes. I was unusually sick for as newly pregnant as I was. I went to Florida to visit my parents, and I even took maternity clothes because I was so uncomfortable in my regular clothes (that's the trip where I forgot all my hang up clothes anyway...so I bought elastic-waist skirts). :) I'd decided to wait until Mother's Day to take a test because a test was just a formality anyway. But I started bleeding the day before, and my temperature started dropping (if you chart for fertility, you will probably know what's going on before any doctor or test can tell you), and I knew what was happening. It was a shock...I wasn't far along, but it was so unexpected. I was sad, but so thankful for the children I already had, and to be honest- I know the statistics and early miscarriage rates are high- I was thankful nothing had ever happened before then. I packed away my maternity clothes and for the first time since Baby T was born, we were really eager to have a baby.

Fast-forward to July, and I was pregnant again. Excited and cautious, I watched my temps rise each morning, started getting sick, had to take naps every day...all the usual stuff. And then I started bleeding, again. But I still felt nauseated for two weeks, so I decided to go to the dr. and get some bloodwork done. After a series of tests, she confirmed my hCG levels were dropping, and that I had miscarried. For some reason, since I didn't have it confirmed until after the fact, it wasn't overwhelmingly sad. I felt so poorly and I was just anxious to be able to start feeling back to normal again and take care of my family. I started using some natural progesterone cream, and within a few days I was feeling much better. I researched a little on natural hormone deficiencies and found a whole online sub-culture of women who are desperate for answers as to why they can't conceive, and thought, "I never want to be that crazy!" (Yes, I was insensitive, and yes, there are women who will stop at nothing to get a baby.) When I talked to my dr. last she said, "Next time you think you are pregnant, come in right away."

So, two weeks later, last Friday, there I was, getting another blood test. I was fairly sure I was pregnant, but my body isn't as predictable as it used to be, so when she called to say I was, there was an element of surprise (especially since I had miscarried only 4 weeks earlier) and probably more hope and joy. Perhaps I did just have a progesterone deficiency, and that's been cleared up and here we are. Some people like to wait to tell about their pregnancies, but we decided early on that we'd rather have the prayer support. We told the family (minus the kids) cautiously on Sunday, asked them to pray, knowing this week was probably crucial since the other miscarriages happened early.

Monday was the first day I felt really sick all day- normal, pregnant, eat every-two-hours sick. I was relieved. I went grocery shopping and bought lots of high protein snacks. I called several midwives and friends who are experienced in early miscarriage and started being pro-active about investing in this pregnancy. And on Tuesday morning I realized my temperature was dropping. I wanted to be hopeful, but I woke Warren up, and bawled my eyes out. Little T woke up crying, and I was all too happy to hold him, and weep over him, wondering if he would be my last little one to snuggle. I waited the day out, and by late evening, it was clear I was losing another baby. It was a miserable day. A fighting day, full of wavering between trying to grab hold of the promises of God, and wanting to cry and question. Mothers lay down their lives to protect their children, and I felt like my body was failing this little life (I know that isn't a reasonable thought, but it was what I was fighting in the moment). It was good the kids didn't know- it forced me to do the right thing and serve them (and start school) despite how I felt. 

And yet, God is faithful, and these trials are training us in righteousness. My sister-in-law (bless you!!!!) took my kids yesterday and made me dinner, and I spent the day mostly in bed with my Bible and some books. I wasn't prepared for the spiritual battle that accompanied the physical pain. I re-read some of Future Grace, by John Piper. When I was tempted to get overwhelmed at the thought of not knowing why we continue to miscarry or if we will ever have more children, the Holy Spirit brought to mind, "Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you, with My victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) There is a promise for every fear, for every anxious thought, every overwhelming sorrow. 

All it takes is a little time spent outside of my house (at church, online) to remember that the world if FULL of the effects of sin and sorrow. Yes, this has been a small trial, and we have grieved. But my 5 year-old isn't dying. I am not in an abusive marriage. My husband isn't in jail. I didn't carry a baby full term only to watch her suffer and die. I'm not in an endless battle with cancer. I know people in all of these situations. I am more sensitive to their pain and more motivated to pray for them.

I am a lot more sympathetic towards those desperate women, longing to have children. I am not desperate- we are delighted with the family God has given us. But this does give me more compassion, especially since even after going through this three times, my doctor really had no suggestions (other than one, run-of-the-mill drug) to prevent this in the future. We will research on our own and pursue some common-sense health solutions (eating well, exercising, sleep), but you really do have to be your own advocate when it comes to your health.

So, I've risked blathering to share what God is doing in our family, with the hope that someone out there will be encouraged. There is comfort and healing in knowing a tough experience will be used to help someone else. Go hug your kids, squeeze your babies, and thank God for the blessings- and the trials- he has lovingly bestowed for today.

Day Two

So I should clarify: when I said I'd rather give birth than potty train, I meant I'd rather labor with a baby than go through Day One of potty training. Because at least labor has a definite ending, with the joy of meeting a soul at the end. Which brings me to my first piece of advice: Don't judge your progress by Day One. After that first 12 hour stretch, you will want to procure as much chocolate as possible and lock yourself somewhere. (Maybe it's just me...I know some people do have encouraging first days, but don't count on it.)

Day Two brought some ups and downs, but enough encouragement to not turn back (at least for now...no long-term commitments, here). We had longer dry spells, an awareness on Little T's part of what was going on, and more cooperation from the older two. And (to my) Mom- of course there is candy involved. It had to be marshmallows because even jelly beans and gummy bears have milk warnings on them, but that's okay because I am not tempted to pop too many marshmallows during the process.

 

 

 

 

Look- he even got through a meal dry! The older kids were rewarded for their patience by an afternoon of painting and playdoh. Today, I think we will make cookies...fun for them, fun for me.

Artichokes at last, just in case I don't make it

The artichokes were slow in coming, because the laptop that houses all my pictures has a virus and is out of commission. It dawned on me that I have a bad habit of keeping loads of pictures on my camera, so I checked and alas- they were still there. So, the long awaited (or not) artichokes.

Look for this fireplace to sport a glossy white coat in the coming weeks...

One day I will learn to take pictures without blazing lamps

And this is why I may not be alive (or sane) at the end of the week:

Signing time, 100 readings of Find the Duck, and several loads of laundry later, we survived Day 1 of potty training.

He's got this part down

I think I would rather give birth again than potty train, an attitude I am working to change. It's just not my "thing," like pies aren't my thing. I still make pies and I still potty train my kids, but the process never seems to get easier. My husband was reminding my discouraged, weary self last night that they never "get it" until Thursday. So, I'm off to teach life skills with the hope that I will see a glimmer of improvement today. The upside is the hours of mostly one-on-one time I get to spend with the youngest. There's always a silver lining!

Cowboy small

There once was a boy who wanted to be a cowboy. He was past the fireman stage (at least temporarily) and after being assured that being a cowboy was not a sin (? I guess he was thinking cowboy= bandit) he determined to be one.

I think the desire to pursue said occupation comes with being 5 years old, but you could say it's in his genes (not really, his father just likes a good hat).

So after a few months of dreaming, this arrived on his birthday:

Making him a real boy cowboy. And he's worn his chaps for 48 hours straight

A Cowboy Birthday party followed

You could call them the three musketeers, except only two of them are acting like a team

Actually, one of them is very much his own man. We're working on that. A lot.

Happy 5th birthday to my firstborn!